IMPORTANT: TexasBurgerGuy Terminology
TexasBurgerGuy will not be your typical stuffy- snobby- nose-raising restaurant review site. I pledge here and now to never use the following words in my reviews: eclectic, contemporary, quaint, tofu, vegan, soy, vegetarian, or mediterranean. These words have no business in a burger joint review. IF for some unearthly reason I ever use one of the words listed above in a review - you have my permission to label me a yankee and forever revoke my Texas citizenship.
There is some terminology you should become familiar with if you are to become a regular visitor and reader of this site. This posting is most important for you to read if you are to understand any of my reviews.
Oooze Factor - The lifeblood of a good burger. This is the unidentified liquid that ooozes from the burger as you bite into it. Good burgers have it. Bad burgers don't. When a good stream of the oooze makes an appearance - you usually begin wishing you had ordered a salad instead cause it means the ol' pumper is getting a little more clogged up after you consume this meal. Oooze Factor will be measured using a 10 point scale.
1 - Death Valley
5 - A Summer Stream
10 - Niagara Falls
Herd Killer - This measures the sheer size and weight of a burger. A true herd killer burger makes you start to really worry that man may be violating his responsibilities at the top of the food chain. A good herd killer burger is a chore to eat and one that you brag about eating to your friends. You usually miss a meal or 3 after eating a herd killer. There are some burger joints out there that will take your picture and post your name on their Wall of Fame if you completely consume their herd killers without spewing. Herd Killer will be measured using a 10 point scale.
1 - Them Calves Run Real Slow
5 - Bessie and Bertha Between Two Buns
10 - Bovine Armageddon
Handling - This measures the number of hands required to hold and position the burger for consumption. Normally - it only takes 2 hands. Normally - you will only have 2 hands. But - in the rare event that a burger requires three hands or more to hold while you eat - well I just want to be able to discuss that in the review. Some burgers require both hands and even then are tough to manage. There are some burgers that require just one hand or could even be held between 2 fingers. Burgers are created in all shapes and sizes. Handling will be measured using a 10 point scale.
1 - Look How Cute
5 - Keep Both Hands on the Wheel
10 - Bring in a Crane
Bling Bling - How much am I going to have to fork over for this delicious burger? I suspect most of the time this will be about the same for most of the burgers I review. But - some of the real herd killers do cost a few more bucks as they are the main attraction at the restaurant. One has to understand that a true herd killer is using a great deal of meat and therefore the price of the burger will go up. Bling Bling will be measured using a 10 point scale.
1 - Couch Change
5 - Say Goodbye to Honest Abe
10 - Seek Financing
So there you have it. Each of the reviews will discuss the restaurant itself as well but the main focus will be on the burger.
Now that we have this out of the way... let the games begin!!!