Review #4: Roznovsky's Hamburgers - Houston, Texas

What with the weather in Houston being so nice and all today - I decided to pack up the wife and kiddos and head out on a TexasBurgerGuy burger run. We made our way to Roznovsky's Hamburgers. I have read a lot of good things about Roznovsky's and was looking forward to the visit. I am learning that everybody has different tastes and preferences. For example - I prefer a meaty, greasy, cheesy burger. Some people prefer the petite burger with lots of good vegetables. I am rating these burgers based off my tastes and preferences. That said - Roznovsky's burgers are not big and meaty. They are more the petite variety. The size combined with a few other issues led me feeling pretty unimpressed with Roznovsky's.

IMPORTANT: If you haven't already, please read the Texas Burger Guy terminology post at: http://texasburgerguy.blogspot.com/2004/12/important-texasburgerguy-terminology.html. That will help you understand this review.

Roznovsky's Cheeseburger Review
As soon as the Roznovsky's Cheeseburger was sat on my table - I knew I was in for a small burger experience. It had a nice little grease stain on the paper which made me smile and anticipate the meal I was about to consume. I was hoping to be in for a good burger experience... for the most part it was just OK. The whole burger together has good flavors - not great - just good. If you break down the burger and examine the meat, vegetables, and bun like I do - well I was disappointed. Here is how I see the Roznovsky's Cheeseburger ranking in the Texas Burger Guy categories:

Oooze Factor
As I already mentioned - the burger did make a grease stain on the paper it was wrapped in. The Roznovsky's Cheeseburger had a small amount of oooze, but not a whole lot. I have had some burgers that are so moist the oooze just goes all over. This burger was far from that. It was pretty light on oooze. The moisture that did come from the burger was mainly from the vegetables. They pile a ton of vegetables on their burgers.
Oooze Factor Rating: 5


Click to enlarge

Herd Killer
Perhaps the most disappointing discovery came when I flipped open the burger to check out the patty. What did I find? Well - it appears Roznovsky's is using a frozen patty which to me is pretty bad thing. A good mom and pop burger joint will use fresh ingredients - that is what separates it from the chain restaurants. While Roznovsky's definitely used good buns and vegetables, the main ingredient in the burger - that being the patty needs to be given special consideration. The patty seemed rubbery to me. It was also pretty small as well. Pretty low on herd killer.
Herd Killer Rating: 3


Click to enlarge

Handling
The Roznovsky's Cheeseburger is not a 2 handed burger by any means. It is a one and a half handed if there is such a thing. It is probably a little too big to handle with one hand due to all the vegetables.
Handling Rating: 5

Bling Bling
The Roznovsky's Cheeseburger goes for $3.05 which considering the overall experience is a bit too high. If the patty was handmade and was a little bigger, it would be worth it. You end up paying a lot for vegetables and bread.
Bling Bling Rating: 3

Overall Roznovsky's Cheeseburger Rating: 5



Click to enlarge


Click to enlarge

Restaurant Review
Roznovsky's had a pretty good menu. They have chicken sandwiches, chili, buffalo wings, kid's meals, and beer on the menu. Mrs. TexasBurgerGuy tried out the Chicken Fried Chicken Strips and they were pretty stout. My daughter tried the grilled cheese (not on paper menu - but on the menu in the restaurant). We also tried the fries, seasoned fries and onion rings - all were pretty good - they weren't awesome - just good.

Roznovsky's Menu (Click to enlarge)


Restaurant/Atmosphere
The atmosphere inside Roznovsky's is really a site to see. I think this is what draws a lot of people to Roznovsky's. The owner of the restaurant, Ron Roznovsky was an All American baseball player for the University of Texas in 1973 so the place is decked out with UT stuff. Actually - there are lots and lots of pictures hanging on the wall of little league teams that I guess Roznovsky's sponsored. The restaurant is a mix of a mom and pop restaurant with a hint of sports bar feel to it. The lady behind the counter was extremely nice. I felt like I had been invited over to the Roznovsky's garage to eat a burger. Very cool when a restaurant can make you feel that way when you sit down. Part of the restaurant is smoking - part is not. No credit cards are accepted! Bring a check or cash. For me, the best part of Roznovsky's was the atmosphere inside the restaurant.

Directions
Roznovsky's is easy to find. If you are heading down 34th street from 290, you will see the sign for Roznovsky's on your left once you reach TC Jester. Can't miss it.

Address/Phone:
3401 W TC Jester Blvd
Houston Texas 77018
713.957.1100

Map: Map

TBG Overall Rating
After reading a lot of positive things about Roznovsky's Burgers, I was pretty excited about trying it out. When we walked in the door and spoke with the lady behind the counter and looked around the interior of Roznovsky's, I got even more excited. The food was not all I had hoped it would be, but Roznovsky's is a great place to go to get way from the rubber stamped fast food junk at chain restaurants. Roznovsky's has a cozy atmosphere and friendly people - but it is all about the burger for me and Roznovsky's isn't all that it was hyped up to be.

Overall TBG Rating for Roznovsky's Hamburgers: 6

Other Reviews of Roznovsky's Hamburgers:
http://www.b4-u-eat.com/houston/restaurants/reviews/rsv0571.asp
http://houston.citysearch.com/review/9856641?ulink=profile_2_memberreviewfooter_1___review__1

Revew #3: Christian’s Totem – Houston, Texas

After hearing so many good things about Christian’s Totem – I was sure that I would be disappointed once actually trying this place out. There was no way that it could live up to the high expectations that were set. Well… I am happy to report that I was so very wrong. Christian’s delivered in a big way as their burger is excellent!! Myself and 2 of my buddies made the trip to Christian’s Totem and we were very pleased with the experience!

IMPORTANT: If you haven't already, please read the TexasBurgerGuy terminology post. That will help you understand this review.

Christian’s Totem Cheeseburger Review
Upon receiving my Christian’s Totem Cheeseburger – I was immediately concerned that the patty was going to be dried out and overcooked. After the first bite – those worries quickly went away as I was met with an absolutely incredible tasting burger. Here is how I see the Christian’s Totem Cheeseburger ranking in the Texas Burger Guy categories:

Oooze Factor
The burger was by no means a niagra falls level oooze burger. It was pretty light on the oooze although it did make a nice little oil slick on the paper it was wrapped in. (see picture) Despite there not being a lot of “drippage” – the patty is extremely moist and very tender. I was pleasantly surprised on my first bite as I was expecting a very dry patty – but that clearly was not the case. A little light on oooze, but it still had the benefits of a high oooze burger.
Oooze Factor Rating: 6


Click to enlarge



Click to enlarge

Herd Killer
This is one of the categories that the Christian’s Totem Cheeseburger will excel. I hate to even put this into print – BUT – the Texas Burger Guy ALMOST couldn’t finish the burger. That is what you want if you want a good rating from me. The patty was huge. It was thick and meaty – just the way I like it. The burger had good weight too – not your lightweight cardboard burger you get at fast food places. There was a double meat burger that was offered on the menu. I can’t even imagine what kind of appetite it would take to consume that thing… The single meat burger meant business. You can be sure that this burger definitely killed off its share of the herd.
Herd Killer Rating: 8

Handling
Yet another category where the Christian’s Totem Cheeseburger will excel. This burger is not a one hander – not even close. You have to put down this thing to take a drink and eat your fries. Even at the end when it is a smaller version of its orginal self – you still need a little support to keep the burger all together. Excellent 2 handed burger!!!
Handling Rating: 8

Bling Bling
Excellent value! I got the cheeseburger in a basket that included fries and a free refill drink. The whole thing was 7 bucks. That is a very reasonable considering the amount of food you receive. For 7 bucks – I left Christian’s Totem very full and not even thinking of eating another meal for several hours.
Bling Bling Rating: 8

Overall Christian’s Totem Cheeseburger Rating: 8


Click to enlarge



Click to enlarge

Restaurant Review
Christian’s Totem had your standard mom and pop menu. They had burgers (duh), fries/onion rings, and fried chicken. One thing that peaked my curioisity was a Chiliburger that was on the menu. I could hear several of the customers in front of me ordering the Chiliburger so one has to assume that it is pretty good for so many people to order it. And as one of my friends that went to Christian’s with me said, “How can you go wrong with putting more meat on top of meat?” I couldn’t agree more. Besides the burger – we tried the french fries and the onion rings. Both were SPECTACULAR! The fries are seasoned and are just awesome. The onion rings are a MUST! I had my buddy order the onion rings to try them out – next time I am ordering them. I don’t have a menu to show you for Christian’s – I asked – but the lady behind the counter said they did not have one. Guess you’ll just have to go to find out yourself.

Restaurant/Atmosphere
From the outside, Christian’s simply screams “I’M A HOLE IN THE WALL BURGER JOINT!!!!”. It is a tin building that would be an eyesore to the anti-burger enthusiast. For us though – the place looked like a factory for increbibly good burgers. Parking lot was nearly full when we arrived around lunch. The restaurant has what I am guessing is the original building and an addition that includes pool tables and TVs. The addition is called Christian’s Tailgate – the original restaurant is Christian’s Totem. They accept credit cards. Smoking tables in the Tailgate area. There is a wood deck outside the Tailgate area where I took the picture below.

Directions
Christian’s is pretty easy to find. It is right at the corner of I-10 and Washington. My advice is to get in the far right lane as soon as you turn onto Washington from I-10 because the Christian’s driveway will sneak up on you if you don’t. Christian’s is located where people working off of 290 or the Galleria area and even Greenway Plaza can make it out there for lunch.

Address/Phone:
7340 Washington Ave
Houston Texas 77007
713.864.9744

Map: Map to Christian's Totem

TBG Overall Rating
I had high expectations going into Christian’s Totem. I had heard lots of very positive things about it and was really excited going in. I was extremely pleased with the dining experience. Christian’s is an EXCELLENT burger joint. It has the look from the outside of a mom and pop. On the inside – it is VERY much a mom and pop. Pretty old tables and chairs. You can tell many a burger has met its fate on these tables. Most importantly – Christian’s has an extremely good burger and that is a what it is all about.

Overall TBG Rating for Christian's Totem: 9

Other Reviews of Christian’s Totem:
http://www.b4-u-eat.com/houston/restaurants/reviews/rsv2994.asp
http://www.houstonpress.com/issues/2004-01-08/cafe.html

Bill "Burger" Bunyan

Add this to the list of things Texas Burger Guy will not be doing...

Bill "Burger" Bunyan of Dodge City Kansas set out to eat a burger in each of Kansas' 105 counties. It took him a little over 3 years to complete the quest. I won't be doing this - so please don't send a review request for me to try this in Texas... there are 254 counties in Texas!!!!



Story on Bill "Burger" Bunyon

Review #2: Bellaire Broiler Burger - Bellaire, Texas

In response to a review request received from a reader this week, I made the trip to Bellaire Broiler Burger tonight with a good buddy of mine. Upon laying our eyes on BBB - we immediate agreed that this place met the criterion for being reviewed on Texas Burger Guy. It truly is a mom and pop burger joint.

IMPORTANT: If you haven’t already – please read the Texas Burger Guy terminology post at: http://texasburgerguy.blogspot.com/2004/12/important-texasburgerguy-terminology.html. That will help you understand this review.



BBB Flame Broiled Hamburger No. 3 Review
All in all - the burger had a pretty overpowering "grilled" or "charcoaly" flavor to it. This coupled with the melted cheese, vegetables, and bun made for a pretty solid burger. Every person is different - here is how I see the Bellaire Broiler Burger ranking in the Texas Burger Guy categories:

Oooze Factor
A little light on the ooze. I didn't have anything running down my arms and didn't really have any use for a napkin when eating the burger. It was moist enough though - just not very ooozy. The burger came in a cute little paper burger robe that was not even the least bit wet after the burger went bye bye.
Oooze Factor Rating: 4

Herd Killer
The burger I ate was a 1/3 pound patty. It was flattened out pretty good. Not really a thick and hearty meat patty by any means. The best thing about the patty was it absorbed the american cheese that was melted on top of it. So much so that the cheese melted down into the grooves of the meat itself. Kindof like the meat and cheese became a new creation... a "chatty" if you will. It was evident the cheese was melted into the meat because it all stuck together during the first bite. That may be more info than you wanted - but oh well - for you connoisseurs out there - you'll know what I mean. All in all - the herds are safe from being exterminated by BBB.
Herd Killer Rating: 3

Handling
Despite the picture - the BBB was not huge. It wasn't small by any means - but it is not a big bulky burger. The buns on the burger are soft. No sesame seeds, just your run of the mill buns. It does require 2 hands to eat, but you could also one hand it if you really had to.
Handing Rating: 3

Bling Bling
The money you pay for this is being spent on the flavor. It really isn't a big bulky burger. It isn't meant to make your belt bust off or a button to shoot off your shirt from eating it. The burger I had was 3.55 plus they charge 50 cents for cheese to bring the total to $4.05. All in all - it isn't excessive. Pretty standard cost for a burger at a mom and pop.
Bling Bling rating: 5
Overall Bellaire Broiler Burger Rating: 6


Restaurant Review
Bellaire Broiler Burgers menu is pretty diverse. They have everything from hot dogs to chili and even some salads on the menu. Pretty good looking stuff. We tried the burgers, onion rings, fries, and shakes. Onion rings and fries are nothing special. The shakes however would make a lactose intolerant person drink one anyway and just suffer the consequences. They are awesome!!! We tried the strawberry and chocolate and both were fantastic!!! Highly recommend the shakes!

Bellaire Broiler Menu: (click to enlarge)


Restaurant/Atmosphere
The outside of the restaurant is small. The parking lot only has parking for about 10 cars at the most. The outside looks seventies and the inside is so seventies it is shagadellic baby! We both felt like we had stepped through a time machine and were in the 60's or 70's. It was messing with our minds. Booths are small - hard to sit straight if you are tall like me. Tables looked a little bigger - but not much. Cash and check only. No credit cards accepted. They allow smoking. There is a little (and I mean little) bar area with a TV. No kidding - they have a Spuds McKenzie doll above the cooler in the bar area. I haven't seen that little guy since 5th grade! BBB definitely has the feel of a mom and pop joint complete with the Spuds and a set of longhorns prominently displayed above the grill in the kitchen.

Directions
Be ready to brave the Loop 610 west traffic to get here. Once you pull off the loop though - it isn't bad at all. It is at the intersection of Bellaire Blvd and Bissonnet.

Address/Phone:
5216 Bellaire Blvd
Bellaire Texas 77401
713.668.8171

Map: http://www.mapquest.com/maps/map.adp?city=Bellaire&state=TX&address=5216+Bellaire+Blvd&zoom=7

TBG Overall Rating
Bellaire Broiler Burger was not all I hoped it to be. The burger was pretty good - not great - just good. It definitely had flavor. If you don't like the grilled flavor - you won't like this place. The best part for me was the building itself and the atmosphere inside. I love little hole in the wall type place and BBB is definitely a hole in the wall. This restaurant has been around for a very long time and it has a lot of local appeal. For me though - it is all about the burger. Make the burgers a little more mean and the Texas Burger Guy rating will go up.
Overall TBG Rating for Bellaire Broiler Burger: 6

Other Reviews of BBB:
http://www.b4-u-eat.com/houston/restaurants/reviews/rsv0718.asp
http://www.digitalcity.com/houston/entertainment/venue.adp?vid=171191
http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/business/111702_a13_blueribbonsun.html

The "Roethlisburger"

This one is for all you Steeler fans out there...

Ben Roethlisberger, the rookie quarterback for the Steelers, has been given his own burger. The Roethlisburger is the invention of Jeff Trebac, owner of Peppi's restaurant in Pittsburgh. It isn't your average burger either. A Roethlisburger is made up of ground beef, sausage, scrambled eggs, grilled onions and American cheese. Sounds yummy! Apparently - a lot of people agree as the Roethlisburger is selling faster than Peppi's can make them.

Check out the story on this at: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=1916354.

This story was submitted by: Damon from Plano, Texas

11 Pound Burger!!!

Yes - I typed it right and you read it right... an 11 pound burger!!! You'll find this Hyper-Whopper at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, Pennsylvania. I have never visited Clearfield - but if a reader in Clearfield wants to fly me out there... :) I'd be happy to make the trip!!!

The 11 pounder is known as Ye Olde 96er and sells for a cool $23.95. It contains a full six pounds of meat plus five pounds of trimmings: two whole tomatoes, a half-head of lettuce, twelve slices of American cheese, a full cup of peppers, two whole onions, and a river of mayonnaise, ketchup, and mustard. Not one person has EVER eaten the whole thing... although you get 3 hours to do so.

If you have a smaller appetite - Denny's offers two- and three-pound burgers. Denny's Beer Barrel Pub is located at 1423 Dorey St., Clearfield, Pennsylvania. For more information, call (814) 765-7190 or visit their web site at www.dennysbeerbarrelpub.com.

Here are some amazing pictures of this monstrocity of a burger:






Stories Written on Ye Olde 96er:
Snopes
Boston Globe
Editorial from a Paper in Kentucky

Review #1: Mel's Country Cafe - Tomball, Texas

Without question - my first ever TexasBurgerGuy Burger Joint review is going to be on none other than Mel's Country Cafe in Tomball, Texas. Mel's is without a doubt my favorite burger these days. I felt it was appropriate to begin with Mel’s because it will in fact by the standard by which I will compare the others.

IMPORTANT: If you haven’t already – please read the Texas Burger Guy terminology post at: http://texasburgerguy.blogspot.com/2004/12/important-texasburgerguy-terminology.html. That will help you understand this review.

Mel’s Burger Review
In a word – SHAZAM! Once you bite into the big juicy Mel’s Burger – you’ll want to stand on the table and yell that very word. I might be overstating it just a tad bit – but suffice it to say the Mel’s Burger is… GREAT.



Click to enlarge


Click to enlarge

Oooze Factor
Oh man the oooze. This burger will most certainly expose you to the sweet nectar that is oooze. I am not sure if Mel’s is using some sort of slow cooking method or if he has a syringe that he uses to inject his burgers with oooze – but he has a juicy burger. The burger comes in a cute little plastic basket thingy and it will be lined with paper. After the burger is gone – the paper will be wet. The juices in this burger make it great. It is moist – but not mushy – oily – but not greasy to the point of needing to shave your tongue after you eat.
Oooze Factor Rating: 8

Herd Killer
I don’t have a menu right in front of me to tell you the exact weight of the burger – but I think the standard weight of a burger at Mel’s is ½ pound. The patties are thick and always homemade. When you take your first bite – do yourself a favor and admire the inner workings of the patty. You’ll come face to face with oooze and you’ll see a big chunk of meat. The regular Mel’s burger is a medium on the herd killer. Mel’s flagship burger is it’s Mega Mel’s Burger. This thing is approaching bovine armageddon status! This thing has 6 – count em’ – SIX patties totaling 1 1/2 pounds of beef - a friggin’ pound of bacon – ¼ pound of cheese – all the vegetables – and a half off coupon for a defibulator. If you can eat this bad boy in under 2 hours and not “return any of the food for a refund” during that time – you get your name written on the Mel’s Wall of Fame and you will be forever the envy of binge eaters everywhere! One guy at this monstocity in 9 minutes!!! I bet that dude had a real bad case of something that night. Yowser!
Regular Mel’s Burger Herd Killer Rating: 5
(Mega Mel’s Burger Herd Killer Rating: 9!!)

Handling
The Mel’s Burger is not one that can be eaten with one hand only. It is most definitely a two handed burger. That is – if you have normal size hands like I do. If you are an NBA basketball player and can palm a Yugo – you can probably handle this burger with one hand. For the rest of us – better use both hands.
Mel’s Burger Handing Rating: 6

Bling Bling
When evaluating cost – you have to consider the amount of food you are getting. Mel’s delivers a pretty hefty amount of food and only charges 3.95 for its burger. If you add on some fries and a coke – adding tip it comes out to about 7 or 8 bucks. Definitely worth every penny.
Bling Bling rating: 4
Overall Mel’s Burger Rating: 8

Restaurant Review
Mel's Menu
Mel’s has all that you would expect on their menu from a mom and pop restaurant. They have good ol’ all you can eat catfish and popcorn shrimp on Friday night’s which is awesome. They also have a mean chicken fried steak. Mrs TexasBurgerGuy has ordered their chicken sandwich and had enough to take home and eat for 2 more meals. Definetly try the onion rings. Be warned they might as well roll out the onion rings in a wheel barrel as they give you a TON of them. The fries are just good – nothing to write home about. I have never made it to dessert so can’t help you there – but I am sure they have some and am also sure it is good. Their vegetables are very good. All in all – you won’t find better country cooking in Houston.


Front
Click to enlarge


Back
Click to enlarge

Restaurant/Atmosphere
Mel’s is your typical mom and pop restaurant. It is plain as the color white. Nothing fancy. Tables are normal. Chairs are normal. The lighting is nothing special. The decorations are pretty plain – except for the wall of fame – that is something you don’t see every day. All in all – it is clean. The restrooms are clean.



Click to enlarge

Directions
This is quite possibly the hardest location to find on planet earth. I bet the guy that found the Titanic would take weeks to find Mel’s without directions. Pretty much the only way to locate it is to know somebody that has been there.

Address/Phone:
24814 Stanolin Rd
Tomball, TX 77375
281.255.6357

Map: Map to Mel's

TBG Overall Rating
Mel’s is one of my favorite if not my all time favorite burger joint. It has everything that I need to feel right at home. It has the friendly waitstaff – the ordinary building – the “froofy free” menu – and absolutely incredible food.
Overall TBG Rating for Mel’s Country Cafe: 9

Other Reviews of Mel's:
http://www.countrystyletx.com/025/025_mels.html
http://www.b4-u-eat.com/houston/restaurants/reviews/rsv2884.asp

Mom and Pop Burger Joints

Since this blog is pretty new and you know little to nothing about me – let me give you some info about myself – the one and only Texas Burger Guy. I was born and raised in Texas. Lived in a small town in Central Texas for the better part of my life. After graduating high school – went to college in West Texas – GO TECH!!! – after 4 of the best years of my life at Texas Tech – graduated and landed a job in Houston.

Since I am a small town boy living in the big city – I tend to prefer the smaller mom and pop type burger places. They have that atmosphere that I grew up with. You know what I am talking about right? The buildings are plain as the color white. They all have the friendliest, most down to Earth people working there. The menus always consist of a great deal of artery clogging foods which is just perfect if you ask me. There are no fancy names for their food like “Old Timer Burger” or “Hickory Burger”. Finally - they have great food.

A Taj Mahal – She Ain’t
One definite characteristic among mom and pop burger joints is they are always in very common and ordinary buildings. They tend to be in old houses that were converted to a restaurant. I have been to several gas stations that were converted to restaurants. Those places are still serving gas – just a different kind. (sorry – couldn’t resist) I’ve been in double wide mobile homes that were made into a restaurant. When I walk into the place and see just plain ol’ tables and chairs. I know I am in for a good burger. When I walk in and see neon everywhere and cutesy little signs hanging everywhere about something the restaurant serves – I consider ordering a chicken fried steak instead. For me – the plainer the better. Those people know you will come back for the food – they know they don’t need cute little chairs and waiters with goofy buttons all over them to sell their food.

Friendly People
Mom and pops are usually run by the family of the owner. The owners of these restaurants started small and grew because they have good food. These people know and understand that anything worth having in this world isn’t given to you – those things you value the most are earned by hard work. In my opinion – these people are top notch. I don’t think I have ever been met by rude waitstaff at one of these mom and pop burger joints. They help you feel right at home. And – coming from a small town to Houston – I need to reconnect with that small town part of me every once in a while and these mom and pop waitstaff help do that for me. In addition to the waitstaff – the people eating at these places tend to be a certain group of people. They know that often times you find the best food and best service in hard to find places. There is this feeling among the patrons of these restaurants that you have found one of greatest restaurants that nobody else knows about. It feels like you have been let in on a secret that only those around you and those at the restaurant know about.

No Fancy Schmancy Names
No – none of that at mom and pop places. Their burgers are usually just named.. well.. burger. A burger with bacon is named a Burger with Bacon on the menu. Occasionally the burgers are named after the owner of the place. For example Bubba’s Burger Barn may have something named “Bubba’s Big Mean Burger”. While this could be contradictory to my previous statement about the mom and pop places not having fancy names… really… which is fancy sounding to you? Something named “Café Dijon Burger” or “Bubba’s Big Mean Burger”? When I crack open a burger menu and see some of these words: peppercorn, dijon, swiss, pepperjack, or ballerina – I know to steer clear of this dang place in the future.

Great Food
The most important part of any restaurant is obviously the quality of their food. Mom and pops always have very unique styles about them that you will never see in larger chains. For instance - you'll never see a burger with 6 patties at Chili's or TGI Fridays. You get your plain jane run of the mill burger there. Mom and pops have the freedom to do what they want to do - they are allowed to have style. Great food is the key element - and mom and pops have it.

IMPORTANT: TexasBurgerGuy Terminology

TexasBurgerGuy will not be your typical stuffy- snobby- nose-raising restaurant review site. I pledge here and now to never use the following words in my reviews: eclectic, contemporary, quaint, tofu, vegan, soy, vegetarian, or mediterranean. These words have no business in a burger joint review. IF for some unearthly reason I ever use one of the words listed above in a review - you have my permission to label me a yankee and forever revoke my Texas citizenship.

There is some terminology you should become familiar with if you are to become a regular visitor and reader of this site. This posting is most important for you to read if you are to understand any of my reviews.

Oooze Factor - The lifeblood of a good burger. This is the unidentified liquid that ooozes from the burger as you bite into it. Good burgers have it. Bad burgers don't. When a good stream of the oooze makes an appearance - you usually begin wishing you had ordered a salad instead cause it means the ol' pumper is getting a little more clogged up after you consume this meal. Oooze Factor will be measured using a 10 point scale.
1 - Death Valley
5 - A Summer Stream
10 - Niagara Falls

Herd Killer - This measures the sheer size and weight of a burger. A true herd killer burger makes you start to really worry that man may be violating his responsibilities at the top of the food chain. A good herd killer burger is a chore to eat and one that you brag about eating to your friends. You usually miss a meal or 3 after eating a herd killer. There are some burger joints out there that will take your picture and post your name on their Wall of Fame if you completely consume their herd killers without spewing. Herd Killer will be measured using a 10 point scale.
1 - Them Calves Run Real Slow
5 - Bessie and Bertha Between Two Buns
10 - Bovine Armageddon

Handling - This measures the number of hands required to hold and position the burger for consumption. Normally - it only takes 2 hands. Normally - you will only have 2 hands. But - in the rare event that a burger requires three hands or more to hold while you eat - well I just want to be able to discuss that in the review. Some burgers require both hands and even then are tough to manage. There are some burgers that require just one hand or could even be held between 2 fingers. Burgers are created in all shapes and sizes. Handling will be measured using a 10 point scale.
1 - Look How Cute
5 - Keep Both Hands on the Wheel
10 - Bring in a Crane

Bling Bling - How much am I going to have to fork over for this delicious burger? I suspect most of the time this will be about the same for most of the burgers I review. But - some of the real herd killers do cost a few more bucks as they are the main attraction at the restaurant. One has to understand that a true herd killer is using a great deal of meat and therefore the price of the burger will go up. Bling Bling will be measured using a 10 point scale.
1 - Couch Change
5 - Say Goodbye to Honest Abe
10 - Seek Financing

So there you have it. Each of the reviews will discuss the restaurant itself as well but the main focus will be on the burger.

Now that we have this out of the way... let the games begin!!!

Baby TexasPampersGuy is Born!

Well..... in case you didn't notice - I have been out of the pocket for a while now. You see, Mrs. TexasBurgerGuy and I had a little Baby TexasPampersGuy. On September 29, 2004, we welcomed my son into the world. Ever since then - it has been diapers and pacifiers for the TexasBurgerGuy. Now that Baby TexasPampersGuy is 2 months old - and his sister TexasTerrible2sGirl is getting used to the changes - things are starting to settle down a little around our house. This gives me more time to work on this little project of mine.

So - I am back. Ready to rock and roll. First review should be coming up in a matter of days.

Hold on to your hats!